Never do wrong when people are looking.

I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert--a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race.

If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loudly. Do not compound mispronunciation with inaudibility

None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favour at the same time. There are many asses.

I think the Cincinnati Enquirer must be edited by children.

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.