I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly--except when excited. When using that language I have often noticed that I have hardly ever been mistaken for a Frenchman, except, perhaps, by horses; never, I believe, by people.

In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

I would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than Ulysses S Grant in full military regalia.

We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go

There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking.