A person who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order.

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

The business aspects of the Fourth of July is not perfect as it stands. See what it costs us every year with loss of life, the crippling of thousands with its fireworks, and the burning down of property. It is not only sacred to patriotism and universal freedom, but to the surgeon, the undertaker, the insurance offices - and they are working it for all it is worth.

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

Distance lends enchantment to the view.

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

When you catch an adjective, kill it - perhaps the best possible advice for budding writers.