There isn't a Parallel of Latitude but thinks it would have been the Equator if it had had its rights.

I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

In religion, India is the only millionaire... the One land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined.

Figures don't lie, but liars figure.