I thank you for not snoring.

I had to read Wuthering Heights for English and I never enjoyed a book in all my life as much as that one.

Would people applaud me if I was a good plumber?

If you want something from an audience, you give blood to their fantasies. It's the ultimate hustle.

Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent.

Ask most kids about details about Auschwitz or about how the American Indians were assassinated as a people and they don't know anything about it. They don't want to know anything. Most people just want their beer or their soap opera or their lullaby.

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor and surviving.