I was always frightened by taverns. They just seemed like very unpleasant places to go.

I went through a phase where people would introduce me at parties as a cartoonist, and everybody felt sorry for me. 'Oh, Matt's a cartoonist.' Then people further feeling sorry for me would ask me to draw Garfield. Because I'm a cartoonist, draw Snoopy or Garfield or something.

I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

I would prefer to listen to a French classical composer like Olivier Messiaen than to the pop hits of the day.

I always say that 'Futurama' is real, and 'The Simpsons' is fiction.

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.