You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.

Did you hear something?" "No." "Did I hear something?" "...I don't know.

Humor does depend on surprise, and the things that people remember as the funniest things in the world, you look at later and you go, "What? What was that all about?"

'The Simpsons' is about alienation and the ambivalence of living with a family who you love but who drive you completely crazy.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney.