Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Don't have a cow, man.

I'm not going to stop torturing myself till I figure out the cause of my pain.

Being a good embalmer is a thankless job.

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

I like the 'Simpsons' pinball machines. Those are pretty great.

I think people who work in comedy and humor are hesitant to analyze it too much, because you feel like if you take it apart, you'll break it and not be able to put it back together again.