Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.

Sometimes people try to read into my strip and find out what my state of mind is. And I can say if I'm in a good mood, generally the comic strip starts out in a good mood, but the punchline is very negative and sour.

Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.

Basically, everything I try to do is to present an alternative to what somebody else is doing.

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?