Today is the first day of the rest of your short, brutish existence as a sentient creature before being snuffed out into utter nothingness for all eternity.

Cartooning is for people who can't quite draw and can't quite write. You combine the two half-talents and come up with a career.

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy. Homer Simpson

Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you! — Russ Cargill

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson