When DVDs finally disappear, I'm going to be sad. I'll miss the commentaries.

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?

Lisa: 'Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?' Homer: 'Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.'

I draw a weekly comic strip called Life in Hell, which is syndicated in about 250 newspapers. That's what I did before The Simpsons, and what I plan to do for the rest of my life.

Don't have a cow, man.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.