This is England," he explained. "Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.

I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.

It's always easier to say good-bye when you know it's just a prelude to hello.

Just then, my phone started ringing. The ring must have been damaged by the water as well, so now it had a high, keening note - kind of the sound I imagine a mermaid might make if you punched her in the face.

No sausage?" he asked. Apparently my pork consumption habits were a matter of public record.

Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.

I read two mysteries a day when I was a kid. All of Agatha Christie, all of 'Sherlock Holmes.' I've seen every single British detective show ever made.