I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.

You'd been petting a stuffed dog?' she said 'A dead one?' 'It was a really well stuffed dog' I clarified. 'I have seen some bad taxidermy. This was top-notch work. It would have fooled anyone.

She didn't even notice right away that a small animal had come out from behind a nearby car and was slowly making its way toward the trash can she was standing near. She flipped through some old files in her mind, trying to come up with what this thing might be, and after a few seconds decided that--impossible as it seemed--it was a fox.

I sleep better knowing that a naked cork-eater is not sneaking around at night, stealing my underwear.

I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.

No sausage?" he asked. Apparently my pork consumption habits were a matter of public record.

Quarrels are a natural part of relationships. Making up is always the best part.