Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita

All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed.

It must be that people who read go on more macrocosmic and microcosmic trips – biblical god trips, the Tibetan Book of the Dead, Ulysses, Finnegan’s Wake trips. Non-readers, what do they get? (They get the munchies.)

After a good night sleep, I wake up the next day, and I say, 'Come on, Tea Party, let’s get it on.'

When you go to make a purchase, take a look at the product and ask yourself: 'am I being cheated?' If a product from a 'fast fashion' chain is falling apart before you've even bought it, it's not a deal. It's the fast-fashion company trying to get you to buy something that is quick on trend but slow on quality.

Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita

My favorite birthday game is Pin the Cleanup on the guests.