But I guess you would look beatific, too, if the man you had been in love with since the fifth grade had told you that he was in love with you, too.

My heart is broken. It really is. All the signs are there. I can't sleep- not even burgers. Every time the phone rings, my pulse leaps... But it's never for me, it's never him.

But I had loved him. A part of me still did. Maybe more than a part of me, because I'm a complete moron.

There's nothing secret about it. Everyone knows that I am waiting for my real parents, the king and queen, to come restore me to my rightful throne.

Jesse, this is Craig. Craig, Jesse. You two should get along. Jesse's dead, too.

Life isn't a romance novel. The truth is, the reason romance novels sell so well ---- the reason why everyone loves them ---- is because no one's life is actually like that. Everyone WANTS their life to be like that.

I might look like a honey-eyed schoolgirl on the outside, in my skirt with its regulation four-inches-above-the-knee hem. But I'll rip those tassels off your shoes, old man. Just try Googling me.