I just want to let you know that when I look into my future, I see nothing but you.” That’s what Chaz had whispered in my ear at some point during the wedding last night. Then he’d whispered. “And you’re not even wearing Spanx.

I swear, sometimes I am convinced my life is just a series of sketches for America's Funniest Home Videos, minus all that pants-dropping business. Except my life really isn't all that funny if you think about it.

Zach had rushed down to rescue me without remembering to put a shirt on...Maybe I had died and gone to heaven.

Oh, that's just great. I come all the way back here, risking major brain cell burnout, and you don't even believe me? I'm basically guaranteeing myself a lifetime of heartbreak, and all you have to say is that you think I'm not right in the head?

Pretty isn't the only thing that matters - being smart and kind matters more, of course - but all daughters should hear from their moms that they look pretty once in a while.

But if that was really true, why in the name of all that is holy would anyone have ever liked Nikki in the first place? I was becoming more and more convinced she was a cross between Heidi Montag and Hitler.

We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest.