I wonder what it's like to live in Tinaville. I get the feeling it's very shiny there.

Weight doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. I mean, it does if you’re a model or whatever.

And now Rocky is begging me to watch Dora the Explorer with him. I understand that millions of kids love Dora and have learned to read or whatever from her show. But I wouldn't mind if Dora fell off a cliff and took her little pals with her

if you have to say “no offense” to someone, you have already offended them.

Look, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I said no because the whole thing would just be too Dirty Dancing , right? Summer fling at the resort, only with the roles reversed: you know, the poor working girl and the rich doctor's son, nobody puts Baby in the corner, blah blah blah. That kind of thing.

It was considerably larger than a knife hilt.

In a way, I was incredibly proud of her (not that I had any intention of letting it show while I was beating the crap out of her).