and standing before me a bloodied bottle of Absolut in her hand, is Mrs. Allington, her pink jogging suit drenched, her chest heaving, her eyes filled with contempt as she stared down at Rachel's prone body. Mrs. Allington shakes her head. "I'm a size twelve," she says.

Do not chase boys. Chasing boys is bad. Chasing boys can lead to horrible things like mansions going up into flames, hand amputations, and blindness. So have some self respect and don't let things get too far before the wedding day.

Honey, some boys stopped by to see you. They had wood.

Was it frisson when you saw a guy smile and it made your heart act all weird?

It will hurt. Because deep down, I'll know there was someone.. someone I was supposed to have met. Only I'll never meet him. I'll go through my whole life waiting for him to come along, only he never will. What kind of life is that?

Lilly says I have an overactive imagination and a pathological need to invent drama in my life.

Only a fool is never afraid, Frank. Heroes are the people who carry on despite their fear, because they know the job’s got to get done