I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart.

The egg cream is psychologically the opposite of circumcision--it pleasurably reaffirms your Jewishness.

Humor keeps the elderly rolling along, singing a song. When you laugh, its an involuntary explosion of the lungs. The lungs need to replenish themselves with oxygen. So you laugh, you breathe, the blood runs, and everything is circulating. If you dont laugh, youll die.

You got to be brave. If you feel something, you've really got to risk it.

If you're alive, make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death.

Jewish women are very exciting, as exciting sexually as any other group. Even so, my advice to a young man marrying a Jewish girl would be to have three and a half years of foreplay. Of course, most girls in every group are reserved about getting down to it. They don't usually do it right away. But once they do it, women are bananas. They don't wanna do it, you can't make them do it, there's no way they'll do it - but once they do it, they don't let you alone.