I like Chris Rock. He's dangerous.

An egg cream can do anything. An egg cream to a Brooklyn Jew is like water to an Arab. A Jew will kill for an egg cream. It's the Jewish malmsey.

In every spoof I make real love to the things I am spoofing.

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.

Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers.

Any man's greatness is a tribute to the nobility of all mankind, so when we celebrate the genius of [Leo] Tolstoy, we say, "Look! One of our boys made it! Look what we're capable of!"

No creative writer knows what is commercial and what isn't. You just write from your heart, you write from the deepest, creative urges in you, and you write from your soul, and you just either get lucky or not.