We are more than our problems. Even if our problem is our own behavior, the problem is not who we are-it's what we did. It's okay to have problems. It's okay to talk about problems-at appropriate times, and with safe people. It's okay to solve problems. And we're okay, even when we have, or someone we love has a problem. We don't have to forfeit our personal power or our self-esteem. We have solved exactly the problems we've needed to solve to become who we are.
Melody BeattieIf we are waiting for guaranteed courses of action, we may spend much of our life waiting.
Melody BeattieMuch of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Melody BeattieBoundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries. Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. Weโll set a limit when weโre ready, and not a moment before. So will others. Thereโs something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because weโre controlling others, but because weโve changed.
Melody Beattie