There are zillions of people who say that alcoholism is a disease, but not many of them believe it

I don't think the Hollywood community is interested in what I can do. That's all right. I've never looked for a job in my life, and I'm not going to start now. I have plenty to keep me busy.

Everything edible is fried in Texas! Or it is buried in the ground to cook before it is eaten. ... Texas food should be forbidden! 'The steaks at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas!' And they are always afloat in grease. Next morning you are served a smaller steak, which serves as a platform for two fried eggs ... all of this afloat in the same grease! 'Chicken, you say? You bet! Comin' up!' Same grease! They are right. Comin' up! For hours afterwards. I couldn't believe the crust of an apple pie! Same grease!

My second marriage had a lot to do with alcohol.

If I have to climb to heaven on a ladder, I shall decline the invitation.

Neiman-Marcus is one thing, and the Dallas Cowboys are another.

My name is real, which probably explains why I never became a superstar... how would that look in lights?