I'm a frustrated stand-up comic. If you hand me a microphone and I get one laugh, then I'll go on for 20 minutes.
Michael CaineMy mum never understood how much I earned. When I told her I earned a million pounds a film, she said, 'How much is that?'
Michael CaineThings are not quite what they seem always. Don't start me on class, otherwise you'll get a four-hour lecture.
Michael Caine