That's been my fear all along. That I'm not enough, and I still don't trust at all that I am.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.

Kids love to be silly, they love to laugh, so I think it was natural for my kids to like the sort of books that I write - and it's the only kinds of books I'm capable of writing.

I'm trying to teach my children not to cry. That's the big thing. No crying. Because I think we can all agree that crying is, for the most part, for sissies. If my team loses, I'm going to cry. And I'm going to want my kids to see me crying. Not because I think sports are so important, but because I bet so much money on the game that we'll probably lose the house if my team doesn't win. That's something to cry about.

I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

I thought I'd be living a much more bohemian life and be very poor. I never thought I'd do comedy or be married living in the suburbs. Every time I try to plan my life out it just doesn't come to pass, and I think that's a great experience.

The things I care about are the most pedestrian things in the world. I care about good ice cream and being a good dad and a decent husband.