Kids love to be silly, they love to laugh, so I think it was natural for my kids to like the sort of books that I write - and it's the only kinds of books I'm capable of writing.

By the end of the time I'm writing a book, I'm tearing my hair out and I want to go do stand-up. And then I want to do something else. I don't know why it is true with me that I can't just be satisfied doing the one thing, but I'm constantly flitting from one thing to another.

I imagine there's a level of narcissism that goes into thinking you're enough.

The Atkins' diet is where you eat bacon for six or seven months...and the end result is that you lose weight. Because you're dead.

The things I care about are the most pedestrian things in the world. I care about good ice cream and being a good dad and a decent husband.

I think people just love to win.

I think people hate me pretty much across the board, which is nice.