Other nights ... I visualize to the point that I know exactly what I want to do: dive, glide, stroke, flip, reach the wall, hit the split time to the hundredth, then swim back again for as many times as I need to finish the race.

Why is it such a big deal what I'm swimming?

I try to separate my personal life from swimming.

There are so many things that I still want to do. My foundation, growing my brand . . . the list is endless. I'm honestly busier now than I was when I was swimming. It's kind of weird, but I feel like more of an adult because I have to do stuff every day. Whether it's checking emails or making phone calls or doing this and that, it's fun for me. It's the start of a new chapter. At times, it is frustrating, but I know it's not going to be easy to accomplish the goals that I want.

It doesn't matter what else is going on. When you walk into your arena or your - whatever you excel at, you're there to take care of the job that you have to do.

It's the Olympics. If you can't get up to swim early in the morning, don't go.

And I hope seeing a therapist becomes 10 times easier in the future. For me, once I came out of treatment, I got into a therapist and continued my road to recovery and health and happiness. But not everyone can do that. It's challenging to see a therapist when you work full-time, when you can't get an appointment within a week, and then by the time you do get one, maybe you feel like your "problem" has lessened and you don't bother to go in. It's about access.