The trouble with women is men; the trouble with men, men.

Most of us can easily do two things at once; what's all but impossible is to do one thing at once.

One day you are an apprentice, and everybody's pet; the next, you are coldly expected to deliver. There is never sufficient warning that the second day is coming.

The excesses of love soon pass, but its insufficiencies torment us forever.

I know which side my bread is buttered on: the side which falls on the carpet.

Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is.

I'm always there to tell people that their life is not that bad. I wish it was easy to follow that advice.