Healthy parakeets have the nervous energy of tennis players.

Money: in its absence, we are coarse; in its presence, we are vulgar.

The trouble with women is men; the trouble with men, men.

An old racetrack joke reminds you that your program contains all the winners' names. I stare at my typewriter keys with the same thought.

There's nothing wrong with most men's egos that the kowtowing of a headwaiter can't cure.

If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed.

Pull yourself together' is seldom said to anyone who can.