I feel like everyone wants to make a movie that they feel passionate about watching.

Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!" And then I dance, and they're like, "Not like that!"

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

To succeed in comedy you ultimately have to put in the hours and get lucky - The amount of people who are able to break through is so small a fraction of the amount of people trying.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

You're always on duty because you're in a constant state of observation. That's one of the challenges of being a comedian. I think one of the other challenges is that, whether we like it or not, it's a profession that requires failure. It doesn't just encourage failure. It requires it because it's all trial and error. You need to know what doesn't work to know what works.