Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?

I came out wanting to be an actor. From my first view of the world, that's what I wanted to be. I'm made of 99 percent ham and 1 percent water. I was just cooked that way!

Most comedians want to be the architect of their own embarrassment. They have horrible self-esteem issues. I would rather push myself into the mud. I don't want to be pushed into the mud. I think that is probably true. I think most people struggle with self-acceptance. But comedians get a chance to self externalize.

I think that Scottish people, like Canadians, are often misunderstood and what I like about my Scottish friends and relatives is how quickly it can go from love to anger. It's a great dynamic.

I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.

Very good training to just be a person is growing up in Canada. People say a lot of things about Canada, like that it's boring, but if you look around the world, you can praise boring. It's a very civilized place to grow up. I'm very proud of it.

Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.