When I conducted a beer-rating session last year, I wrote that most American beers taste as if they were brewed through a horse. That offended many people in the American beer industry, as well as patriots who thought I was being subversive in praising foreign beers. I have just read a little-known study of American beers. So I must apologize to the horse. At least with a horse, we'd know what we're getting.

I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.

Hollywood likes to boast that it can elevate the national conscience.

A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it's gonna spill.

God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.

Contrary to popular belief. It's much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.

Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.