It's much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.

When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.

It's no coincidence that female interest in the sport of baseball has increased greatly since the ballplayers swapped those wonderful old-time baggy flannel uniforms for leotards.

All that proves is that most of the world is too poor to build bowling alleys, golf courses, tennis courts and baseball fields. There's hundreds of millions of poor people out there who still ain't got indoor plumbing, but that don't mean there's something great about an outhouse. Soccer is boring. I've never seen a more boring sport.

God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.

When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.