I guess nothing puts a damper on a one-night stand as much as your friend pointing out all the opportunities where you might have been killed.

I don't need marriage. I don't need anyone to take care of all my needs and desires. I can take care of them myself now.

In high school, I had fun in my academic clubs, watching movies with my girlfriends, learning Latin, having long, protracted, unrequited crushes on older guys who didn’t know me, and yes, hanging out with my family. I liked hanging out with my family! Later, when you’re grown up, you realize you never get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that’s it.

I'd rather be like Odysseus than someone who was handed everything.

I stupidly memorize my credit card and use it about thrice weekly for online shopping. The only reason I don't bankrupt myself is that I return about 75% of what I buy.

Albums that remind me of my childhood happiness make me incredibly sad now.

If you're a kid who was not especially a star in your high school, I recommend going to a college in the middle of nowhere. I got all the attention I could ever have wanted.