I think as humans, no one remembers their successes, everyone just remembers their failures.

I find it very sad that so many girls who look up to me are young women of color who have been told that they are ugly, and who feel that they are not normal...I think it's so important that women look like me find that they can be beautiful or objects of love, attention and affection.

Comedy writers have the most fragile egos.

When I was twenty-five, I went on exactly four dates with a much older guy whom I'll call Peter Parker. I'm calling him Peter Parker because the actual guy's name was also alliterative, and because, well, it's my book and I'll name a guy I dated after Spider-Man's alter ego if I want to.

Once I saw Paris Hilton leaving a restaurant in Hollywood and the paparazzi cameras were all over her. It looked so unpleasant. It wasn't because she didn't look sensational - she was that perfect combination of fashionable and slutty - it was because the paparazzi guys were shouting these insanely rude and intrusive questions at her. Like, asking her who she was sleeping with and stuff. I was kind of interested in the answer, so I was glad they asked, but it was still gross.

I have the right to life, liberty and chicken wings.

I'd rather be like Odysseus than someone who was handed everything.