I think as humans, no one remembers their successes, everyone just remembers their failures.

I have a whole system down for returning online shopping: a tape gun, a printer for return labels. That has replaced traditional window shopping in my life, as I've gotten busier.

Besides, who wants to read about success, anyway? Successful serial murderers, maybe.

Bribes and boy bands. That’s all you need to be a babysitter.

Also, chubby people can never truly pull off ethereal the same way skinny people can never be jolly.

Not to be weird, but I still have an ongoing relationship with my mom, even though she passed away, and I've been surprised at how much I've been able to convey to her. Now I sound like a total weirdo, but that's true.

When I was a kid, my parents smartly raised us to keep quiet, be respectful to older people, and generally not question adults all that much. I think that's because they were assuming that 99 percent of the time, we'd be interacting with worthy, smart adults... They didn't ever tell me 'Sometimes you will meet idiots who are technically adults and authority figures. You don't have to do what they say.