Running around in the grass near an unsecured structure and a bunch of trees is a good way of taking yourself out of the gene pool.

No one should be posing for duck-lipped selfies with the plaque of the dead. That wouldn't be right.

Life's more fun when you take the chance that it might end.

Any man who doesn't believe in carrying weapons on a first date is not a man worth knowing.

Nothing says "deeply in mourning" like canapés and free beer.

Some people say I have issues. I say those people need to expand their horizons because I don't have issues, I have the Library of Congress

I'll challenge senators and kings for the right to know the truth, but far be it from me to challenge a woman in her own kitchen.