One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit, how'd you pull that off Let me see that camera. What's it look like'

I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.

If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic.

Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.