We had two rules growing up in my house: If you're going to take a shower, do it with whomever you're dating so you don't waste water; and if you buy one for yourself, buy six, because everybody's going to want one.

How strange, when your father's wearing women's clothes and platform shoes, that a pair of loafers looks incredible.

I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.

Everyone has flaws. It's a matter of finding the ones you can live with.

I'm totally convinced I can write the perfect pop song.

The idea of licking stamps seemed great fun for me.

I spent most of my life locked in my bedroom, miserable about my raging acne.