Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

It's always painful when you're writing memoirs because you've got to go through the dark places, but it gives you a chance to find out the person you really are, not the person you thought you were.

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.

I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Its either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple

You get attached to the way you write, and I'm attached to notebooks. That's where I really write the plays. Just two or three pages at a time, then I transfer to the typewriter and rewrite while I type.

New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.