You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

[When you write a play] you walk into a forest without a knife, without a compass. But . . . if you have a sense of geography, you find that you're clearing a path and getting to the right place.

If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.

People with honorary awards are looked upon with disfavor. Would you let an honorary mechanic fix your brand-new Mercedes?

A lot of your personality is formed before you're 12, obviously, but only a few of my plays use characters from my childhood. The more mature plays are affected only by my adult experiences.

I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.