When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los Angeles. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it's still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles.

Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend.

I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Its either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple

A lot of your personality is formed before you're 12, obviously, but only a few of my plays use characters from my childhood. The more mature plays are affected only by my adult experiences.

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.