If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.

I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.

Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

When I was in high school, I would perform every year in those plays and there was something I really loved about it. But I was completely unaware that you could sort of get into an acting career.

Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter something much more malleable than your flesh, like your priorities, or your friends.

When I first met with agents, they said, "Okay, you're going to play plumbers and mechanics and bus drivers and farmers. Go."

When I got to Los Angeles, I started building cabins in peoples’ yards, building post-and-beam structures and cutting the joinery for those.