You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower.

You need to update your blog a couple of times a week. You need to post a Twitter here and there. It feels so dumb to say that stuff, but it's important for me to keep that presence going.

People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.

People can write jokes five minutes after a major world event happens, and have hundreds of thousands of people read them within 10 minutes. Whereas before you write a joke, you don't know if anybody is really touching on it or not, and you tell it onstage the next night. For joke writing it has changed things.

There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.

The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.

I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I had about the same subject.