Everybody dies. There's nothing you can do about it. Whether you eat six almonds a day. Whether or not you believe in God.

You can blame Al Gore and you can blame Ralph Nader and you can blame George Bush, but I blame Bill [Clinton]. I just do. I just think he squandered his presidency the night that woman delivered that pizza to him, and if he hadn't, we wouldn't be where we are and there would be a lot of people who are alive today who aren't.

The Wonderbra is not a step forward for women. Nothing that hurts that much is a step forward for women.

It's much easier to get over someone if you can delude yourself into thinking you never really cared that much.

Plastic surgery is one of the ways that people deal with the aging process. And I don't mean by using it as a form of denial, but as a kind of negotiation with it.

From the essay "Twenty-five Things People Have a Shocking Capacity to Be Surprised by Over and Over Again" 1. Journalists sometimes make things up. 2. Journalists sometimes get things wrong. 3. Almost all books that are published as memoirs were initially written as novels, and then the agent/editor said, This might work better as a memoir. 6. Freedom of the press belongs to the man who owns one.

Summer bachelors, like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.