Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.

Imagine a wall that's green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We'll both be right about the color we see, even though we disagree on what color the wall is. Being able to realize that the other person has a valid point, even if you disagree with it, that's maturity.

Getting life insurance is like making a bet you can't win. If you live, you don't get the money. If you die, you don't get to enjoy the money.

A cow's heaven is a flower's idea of hell.

Books like Twilight are not art. They are mass-produced crap that is meant to be consumed by the widest possible audience, for the largest possible profit.

Some guys like to undermine a girl's self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn't hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse.