The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.

There's no need to legalize gay marriage. I have plenty of gay friends who are committed couples; some of them call themselves married, some don't, but their friends treat them as married. Anybody who doesn't like it just doesn't hang out with them.

The best thing about my job, though, is stopping at the end of the day and rejoining the human universe.

Maybe we're the fools, for thinking we know things. Maybe humans are the only ones who can deal with the fact that nothing can ever be known at all.

Personal affection is a luxury you can have only after all your enemies are eliminated. Until then, everyone you love is a hostage, sapping your courage and corrupting your judgment.

Do not shout at me, Mr. Quill," said John [Adams]. "Justice may be blind, but she is not deaf.

Two sides of the same coin, but which side is which?