The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain.

To be good, according to the vulgar standard of goodness, is obviously quite easy. It merely requires a certain amount of sordid terror, a certain lack of imaginative thought, and a certain low passion for middle-class respectability.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

The youth of the present day are quite monstrous. They have absolutely no respect for dyed hair.

A man whose desire is to be something separate from himself, to be a member of Parliament, or a successful grocer, or a prominent solicitor, or a judge, or something equally tedious, invariably succeeds in being what he wants to be. That is his punishment. Those who want a mask have to wear it.

A bishop keeps on saying at the age of eighty what he was told to say at the age of eighteen.

Popularity is the crown of laurel which the world puts on bad art. Whatever is popular is wrong.