Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

It is immoral to use private property in order to alleviate the horrible evils that result from the institutions of private property.

Lying, the telling of beautiful untrue things, is the proper aim of Art.

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

In one dancing saloon I saw the only rational method of art criticism I have ever come across. Over the piano was printed a notice: 'Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.'

Conformity is the last refuge of the unimaginitive