Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

No woman should have a memory. Memory in a woman is the beginning of dowdiness. One can always tell from a woman's bonnet whether she has got a memory or not.

The final mystery is oneself.

I gave my genius to my life, but my talent to my art.

In spite of the roaring of the young lions at the Union, and the screaming of the rabbits in the home of the vivisect, in spite of Keble College, and the tramways, and the sporting prints, Oxford still remains the most beautiful thing in England, and nowhere else are life and art so exquisitely blended, so perfectly made one.

One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.

George Moore leads his readers to the latrine and locks them in.