If one hears bad music, it is one's duty to drown it by one's conversation.

You must have a cigarette. A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?

It is not good for one's morals to see bad acting

I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all.

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

The only thing worse than being misquoted is being sentenced to two years' hard labour for buggery

Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals.