I don’t know whose brilliant idea that was, but it wasn’t mine, that’s for sure.

I don't read the Bible. Not because I don't want to, I just haven't got around to It yet. One day perhaps I'll pick it up and look at It.

Nobody tells me f-k all!

Do you know what causes low voter turnout in America? It's the result of having the fate of our nation at stake. This began with the bitter presidential election of 1828, which pitted the education, cultivation, and puritan constraint of John Quincy Adams against the yahoo populism of Andrew Jackson, thereby deciding permanently whether America would become a shining city upon a hill or an overlighted strip mall along a highway.

One thing that does confuse me, is that there are more religions in this world than ever, yet there's only sup­posed to be one God.

I'm the demon alcohol, demon alcohol, demon alcohol, demon alcohol. Let's party.

I don't know if I'm a medium for some outside source. Whatever it is, frankly, I hope it's not what I think … Satan.